Well douche your snatch and let's go!
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
