I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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