Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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