im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
