4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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