are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
