You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
