Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
