Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Randomize
