pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
