Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Randomize