you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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