How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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