Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It's shark week go big or go home
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
