There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
