Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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