i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
