Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
