Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
