it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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