GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
