Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We're too hungover to prance.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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