So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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