yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
