Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
