Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
