Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
