Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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