So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
