I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
