He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
