Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
