I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
