i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
