he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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