i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
