There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You work out of a Hotel?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
im six kinds of drunk right now
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
