these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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