i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
