there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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