white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
