the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
