dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Randomize
