dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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