He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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