they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
