you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
