somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
