I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
