I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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