i was born a porn star she said
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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