Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
