she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
