Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
