the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
