he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
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My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
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You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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