At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize