So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
