So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
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