Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
