That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
