I'm going to jail i love you
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
