Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
