dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
