He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
