Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
