You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
