Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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