Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
