Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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