I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
